Child and Communication: 7 Things You Should Avoid Saying to Your Child

1. "I wish you were never born / I wish I never had you."

No child should ever hear this from their parent. No matter how angry you are in that moment, bite your tongue if necessary, but never say these words. Using this phrase will deeply damage your relationship with your child. Not only will it hurt their feelings, but they will feel that you regret their very existence. This kind of thought negatively impacts not only your child's emotional well-being but also their physical health, leaving a deep scar.

2. "If you don't do what I say, I won't talk to you / love you anymore."

Your love for your child and your communication with them should never be used as a tool for punishment. With this sentence, you convey that your unconditional love is actually conditional on them behaving exactly as you want. Giving your child the silent treatment is not appropriate. Remember, your child's misbehavior does not define their identity. Every child needs to feel unconditionally loved.

3. "Why can't you be more like your brother/sister/friend?"

You might say this hoping to show a positive example. However, your child hears that they are not good or smart enough, and that you do not accept or value them as they are. Take care to avoid comparing your child with their siblings or peers.

4. "I'm leaving; if you don't come now, I'm leaving you behind."

Parents often say this thinking fear will make their child catch up quickly. However, children's perception of time is very different from adults', and saying this is essentially threatening them with abandonment. It also instills a fear that they will lose your love and presence whenever they exhibit behavior you disapprove of.

5. "There is nothing to cry / be afraid about."

Do not tell your child what they should or shouldn't feel. To them, their tears or fear have a very valid cause in that moment. When you dismiss their feelings by saying there is no reason to cry, you reject their emotional reality and lack empathy. This makes them feel misunderstood and confused by the mismatch between their internal fear and your insistence that everything is fine.

6. "That's not how you do it. Give it to me."

Whether you are doing a craft together or asking them to fold towels, it can be tempting to take over when they don't do it perfectly. However, children master skills through repetition. Intervening this way robs them of the opportunity to learn and try again. It can make them feel incompetent, leading them to believe you aren't proud of them.

7. "You are just like your mother/father."

Never use your spouse's or partner's negative traits to criticize your child. No child deserves to be caught in the middle of parental conflicts. Disagreements and marital issues should stay between adults. When you make such comparisons, you force your child to choose sides and damage their perception of both parents.