How Can I Stop My Child from Throwing Things?

Recognize that the behavior is a cry for help or your child's attempt to communicate with you. The first thing to realize is that your baby is still learning. Much of the behavior that challenges you is actually your baby's attempt to tell you something. They might also just be trying to explore the materials around them and understand their functions. Once you understand why your child is doing a certain behavior, it will be much easier to help them stop. For example, when your attention is elsewhere and your child feels ignored, they might throw toys to get your attention. They might also throw round objects they think are balls because they want to play catch.

Don't Take the Behavior Personally

It can be really difficult not to take a baby's behavior personally, especially if they are doing something that hurts you or a sibling and keeps repeating it. When you take it personally, you tend to react much more emotionally than necessary. This increases the likelihood of doing something you might regret, which can worsen the situation and ultimately reinforce the behavior, causing it to happen more frequently. When parents overreact, babies often enjoy the reaction they elicit and feel a sense of power over the situation (and your emotions), which leads them to repeat the behavior.

Be Calm and Confident When Responding

Instead of simply reacting, recognize that your child is trying to tell you they need help, and respond as calmly and confidently as possible (even if you don't feel that way inside, fake it until you make it). Take a few deep breaths. If you cannot remain calm, do not respond immediately.

Communicate and Offer Choices

When addressing a child who is throwing things, use simple, age-appropriate language. I prefer to clearly explain what they CAN do with the object they are throwing, and what I will not allow. For example, 'Blocks are for building. I cannot let you throw them at your sister.' When speaking to children, we should pair our words with actions to show them exactly what we mean. So, I might take the blocks from the child's hand and say, 'Blocks are for building. I cannot let you throw them. Let's build together,' while starting to build a tower with the blocks where they can see. If the child continues to throw them after a few tries, I remove the blocks for a short time. If they are throwing food at dinner, I say, 'The food on your plate is for eating. I cannot let you throw it. If you throw your food, dinner is over.' Two-year-olds can respond well to this level of simplicity. For younger children, I would use even fewer words. I state the consequences clearly so they have a chance to change their behavior and make a better choice.

Follow Through with Consequences

If a child is throwing toys or blocks and does not make a better choice to use them properly, I put the toys away, and we try again later. If your child is throwing toys near their sibling or throwing objects at them, and doesn't choose to play safely, remove them from the play area with an explanation like, 'I see you're having a hard time. I can't let you hurt your sister. We can come back when you are ready to play safely,' and try again later.

Allow Them to Have an Emotional Response

Children are often highly upset by consequences (like being removed from the playroom or having their blocks or bottle taken away). They might cry or get angry. These reactions are completely NORMAL in healthy development, as long as they are safe and not hurting themselves or others. You can offer supportive words while your child is angry, or simply stay by their side quietly. Just keep them away from the object they wanted to throw and stay close.

Acknowledge Their Feelings Once They Calm Down

After an emotional reaction or tantrum—or sometimes while it is still happening—I validate my child's feelings. Simple validation helps babies (and older children) understand that feeling strong emotions is NORMAL, helping them express and move through those feelings more quickly.

Offer Choices on What They CAN Throw

Once a tantrum has ended, you can do a little teaching. I talk about where and when they CAN throw things (and, of course, what they can throw). For example, they can throw a basketball (outside) or soft foam balls (into a basket). I prefer to focus on what they can do rather than just saying 'No' or 'We don't throw things.' Sometimes children just want to explore the objects around them and don't know what else to do with them. If we only focus on what they can't do, they don't learn anything. Choose a basket filled with specific soft objects your child is allowed to throw; this makes it much easier to explain that they can throw these items, but not blocks or things that hurt. If your child is throwing things to get your attention (or their sibling's), you can practice how to get attention in a positive way. With older children, we can even roleplay. We practice saying 'Let's play together' or tapping someone on the shoulder and saying 'I want to play.' Sometimes you'll realize a child throws things simply because they can't find the right words to invite their sibling to play. Once they learn, they will stop throwing things and start using words instead.

Be Patient

Finally, you must be patient. Most behaviors don't disappear overnight. Children will test you to see if you really mean what you say. Stay consistent and calm so they can see you are confident and in control.