If Montessori Teachers Use These Phrases, Why Shouldn't We?

"I Saw How Hard You Tried"

Focusing on the process rather than the final product is a core principle of Montessori. We avoid telling children "Good job" or "Your work is so beautiful." Instead, we comment on how long they focused, how carefully they wrote, or how readable their work is. Praising your child's hard work rather than the results helps instill a growth mindset, fostering the belief that they can improve through their own efforts. Instead of saying "You're a good boy/girl," try: "I noticed you were very kind to your little brother yesterday when you shared your toy truck." This shows them you see their positive behavior without passing judgment. Instead of "You are such a great artist," you could say, "I noticed you kept working on your painting until it was exactly how you wanted it."

"What Do You Think of Your Work?"

In Montessori, the child is their own teacher. Teachers are there as guides to offer lessons and assistance, but the child discovers what they need to learn through a carefully prepared environment and materials. Self-analysis is a major part of this discovery. When your child asks, "Do you like my drawing?" instead of simply saying you love it, try asking them questions about it. Ask what they think of their work, how they decided which colors to use, and what their favorite part is. Help them begin to evaluate their own work rather than constantly seeking outside approval.

"Where Could You Look for It?"

Independence is another core value in every Montessori classroom and home. As teachers, our goal is to help children do things for themselves. For this reason, while it is often easier to simply answer a child's question about where something is or how to do something, we frequently respond with another question: "Where could you look for it?" or "Which friend could you ask for help?" If your child lost their shoe and you see them looking around under the bed, instead of handing it to them, try asking guiding questions: "Where were you when you took off your shoes? Have you checked your room?" This might take a little more time, but it is well worth it when they start taking more initiative and relying on you less.

"Which Part Do You Want Me to Help With?"

In a Montessori classroom, children are responsible for many things, including taking care of their environment. Children often take great pride in this responsibility, gladly spending time arranging flowers for the table, watering the garden, and washing windows and tables. Still, sometimes a task can feel too big and overwhelming. In these situations, we ask the child how we can help. We don't want to swoop in and "save the day," sending a message that they aren't capable, but we also don't want to leave them feeling overwhelmed. For example, if your child is tired but needs to clean up their toys before bed, all those pieces can feel daunting. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. To show you are in this together, try saying, "Which color would you like me to pick up?" or "I'll collect the yellow pieces, and you collect the blue ones."

"In Our House, We..."

This small phrase is used to remind children of rules and desired behaviors. Rather than barking commands, repeating reminder phrases as objective explanations of how the community functions is much more likely to encourage cooperation. Saying "In our house, we sit while eating" is far less likely to trigger a power struggle than shouting "Sit down!" Like all of us, children want to be a part of a community, and we are simply reminding them of how that community operates. If you have a rule about walking inside, instead of saying "Don't run," try saying "We walk inside the house"—you'll find it leads to far fewer arguments.

"Don't Distract Them, They Are Concentrating"

Protecting a child's concentration is a fundamental part of the Montessori philosophy. Montessori classrooms offer children uninterrupted work periods, usually in three-hour blocks. This helps children develop deep concentration without being distracted because a schedule dictates it's time to move on to something else. It can be tempting to praise a child who is working beautifully, but sometimes even making eye contact is enough to break their focus. Next time you walk past your child while they are deeply focused on drawing a picture or building a tower, try just walking by instead of telling them how wonderful their work is. Make a mental note and tell them later that you noticed how incredibly focused they were on what they were creating.

"Follow the Child"

This final point is a vital one. It is something Montessori teachers say to each other and to parents—not directly to the child. We frequently remind one another to "follow the child," trusting that every child has their own internal developmental timeline and that they do what they do for a reason. This reminds us to look for the underlying cause of a behavior. It reminds us that not every child will start walking at one year old or reading at four—they haven't read the development books and couldn't care less about the milestones they "should" be reaching. Following the child means remembering that every child is unique, with their own individual needs, passions, and gifts, and should be taught and guided accordingly. If you can't get your child interested in reading, try following what they love—if they love being silly, they might be drawn to a joke book rather than the children's classics you have in mind.

Remembering to "follow your child" can help you see them differently and work with them rather than against them. One of the beautiful things about Montessori is that it is more than just a type of education; it is a way of seeing your child and being with them. Even if your child does not attend a Montessori school, you can easily bring these ideas into your home and watch their independence and concentration flourish.