Let Your Child Be Bored

Let children be bored. It is good for them.

I have a few particularly vivid memories of my childhood summers: the smell of the grill, the sound of cicadas, and feeling deeply bored. Although I had a relatively structured schedule and spent long parts of each summer at camp, there were also weeks when my working parents didn't fill my schedule with much of anything, and they didn't worry about whether I was busy enough or having fun.

This was on my mind as my own sons spent their summers juggling camps, babysitters, and time with grandparents. I am not the only one who thinks filling their days with activities and learning opportunities is my parental duty. A 2018 New York Times article lamenting the relentlessness of modern parenting found that, regardless of education, income, or race, parents believed bored children should be enrolled in extracurricular activities.

But the truth is, boredom is normal, natural, and healthy. In moderate doses, boredom can offer children a valuable learning opportunity, encouraging creativity and problem-solving, and motivating them to seek out activities that feel truly meaningful to them.

Protecting children from boredom is just as wrong as protecting them from feeling sad, frustrated, or angry. Here is what you and your children can learn from the feeling of boredom.

Boredom is an emotion, and it is much like a dashboard light in a car: boredom tells you that what you are currently doing isn't working. It usually points to the fact that the task you are doing is either too easy, too difficult, or lacks meaning.

One way parents can teach their children, especially young ones, to manage boredom is to work with them to develop greater emotional awareness. For example, you can help them distinguish between feeling sad and feeling bored. 'Name it to tame it,' a phrase coined by psychiatrist Dan Siegel, is a technique many child development experts use to help children identify their emotions. Children often say 'I'm bored' when they are actually lonely or wanting attention, so it helps to ask if they are looking for comfort or companionship.

Additionally, do your best to normalize this feeling. We tend to view boredom as a sign of distress or a cry for help. It may be uncomfortable, but it is not necessarily negative.

Boredom offers children the opportunity to try pursuits that feel fulfilling and engaging.

For example, if you let your children loose in the backyard, they might be bored at first. However, they can learn to navigate this feeling by finding activities that feel meaningful to them, like counting bugs, playing with a ball, or drawing with sidewalk chalk. If parents do not allow for free, creative play, children may never discover their innate love for nature, sports, or art—or simply the joy of relaxing and playing.

Being able to identify and cultivate these sources of meaning is a truly critical life skill.

'Boredom Busters' Can Break the Spell

Parents sometimes fear boredom and the mess it can create at home, but free time creates space for exploration. Take a look at your child's weekly schedule and ask: 'Is there anything we can remove and just call "quiet rest time"?'

However, parents shouldn't expect their children to instinctively know what might be meaningful to them. Instead, parents can remind their children of things they are interested in or care about.

There is a difference between leaving a child in an empty room with nothing to do, and bringing them into a room with books and puzzles that are appropriate and potentially engaging for them.

Children aged 5 and under might need a specific 'boredom buster' menu or gentle prompts like: 'Do you want to play with Legos? Do you want to play with playdough? Do you want to go outside?' Parents often feel pressured to get down on the floor and play with young children every time they are bored, but this can prevent children from learning how capable they are of stepping into their own imaginations.

For older children, you can say something like: 'Take a lap around the house, come up with three ideas, and get back to me.' When children move from boredom to positive, self-directed action, it fosters creativity, problem-solving, and essential academic learning skills.

Phones and digital devices require very little effort, which is why children and adults often turn to them as a quick way to soothe boredom.

It is perfectly normal for children to want screens when they are bored, but this, of course, does not mean it is the best thing for their development in that moment.